ugly ppl... sigh

well...
my cookies ve miraculously disappeared! goodness!

anw.. let's talk abt monday. tho monday blues... but i met nice ppl.
well.. we decided to be more adventurous n headed towards this factory area to their sorta canteen for lunch. and the zha cai fan over there kinda surprised me! well.. wat's so special is tat it's self-service! totally self service. they simply pass u a plate of rice and u take the cai u want. even the portion is up to u! wow. i thot such things never happen in sg. take a look at our fast food restaurants... they don even trust us for free flow of drinks. why? knowing singaporeans.. we'll just appear as one big group.. buying one big cup and refill as many times as possible. sigh. so i was really surprised to see such 'self' service.. hahaha. furthermore.. it's rather cheap too. cheaper than hawkers outside at least.

and how abt today? we lunched at the foodcourt at our building. not only was the food ex and not as yummy as elsewhere... but the staffs were so bloody complacent! so wat if there's long queue? u tink ppl really wanted to eat ur food? tat's cos we're lazy to walk out of the big building tat's why we lunch in and the staffs are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo attitude! goodness! tell u.. i'll turn over a bowl of hot soup over ur face the nxt time! argh!

and back in office.. it's really sad. sad to say tat i really despised the staff in the office. they showed me how UGLY human nature can be. they are so bloody self-centered. so selfish. exploiting temp staffs! i was angry. of cos. n so confronted the in-charge for reasoning. oh yea... some hell of excuses... but... instead of showing her tat i was pissed off by their dumb bloody arrangements. i smiled. n then laughed. im not crazy. im just laughing cos i feel sorry for them. sorry tat their lives are so UGLY cos they ONLY cared for themselves. i laughed also becos by making things difficult for us... they didnt realised tat it will indirectly affect them as well. this is wat i call 'DUMB'! ugly and dumb... im so sorry for them. sigh. if not for chris, i doubt i would carry on for another month. one more month and tat's it. anw, chris came to the office today and helped me w getting approval for my leave. i know it's kinda tough cos i needed 4 consecutive days of leave... but in the end.. i got 3! well... tat's good enough. considering my leave clashes with chih's. once again.. i was telling chris how tong ku it is working there... and once again i was being counselled. but things always feel right after 'counselling'. haha. still... im upset cos i've met ugly ppl. this, however, is the real world. ugly real world.

im surviving in this ugly world still.. cos god is kind to me after all. i believed he has plans for me. i believed he has his reasons for me to see the ugly side of man. i believed this is a world where the fittest survive. i will adapt. tho not in a way by becoming ugly like those freaks... but to be stronger than them. one reason why i wanna teach: i believed kids are the most innocent creatures on earth. it may be tiring and stressful. but in these innocent creatures, u will see no ugliness. life will then be beautiful. am i right?

well. im seeing 2 of such innocent creatures tmr. pri 1 kiddy is becoming a demon... while the pri 2 kiddo is becoming my angel. shall write abt my angel n demon nxt time round. it gonna be a marathon tmr. how interesting. wahahaahaaa.

anyway.. was chatting w some cpf colleagues... and we're having hell of a violence on msn. wahahahaha... good good... we're planning to meet up! wahahahhaaa.. great!

oh. i bought home some egg tarts just now... n mommy says she's very full. and the next thing she did was cut one egg tart into half n shared w me! hahaha. funny woman. wasn't she full? or very full? hahahaha.. anw mommy finally made the longan almond jelly tat i've been bugging her for SOOOOOOOOO long! mommy rules! hahaha... the next thing on the list.... BA ZHANG! hahahaha... rice dumpling! wahahahaaa...

poor me....

...
it's monday.. bad day...
not only becos of the blues...
but...

my back was aching so painfully....
either it's aching cos i over-stretched it the other day, or my kidneys are failing.
dam. it's so freakin pain tat i could hardly sit or stand in the office today! even going to the loo was a problem. gosh. tink everyone was like tinkin wat the hell is happening to me man. sigh. don even ve the least interest when they released a bad news to me saying tat i'd ve to move. well... im actually anticipating tat... wahahahahaaa... move it! quick! haha. but i dunno where i'll end up at... sobs. btw, my aching waist/hip has gotten too much of me... tat i ve no choice but to msg ppl to spread my agony. and in the end.. only chih tried to divert my pain by playing games w me... but still... we don ve much time for games.. cos it's the end of the month once again... n we ve to prepare our reports. this month i was the last to submit my report. last month i was the first! guess i find no meaning in rushing anymore.

anyway.. the cookie i baked was dam tasty. im not bragging. serious. in one day.. more than 3/4 of the container was gone! haha. i feel like baking again.. but mommy was so against it... cos recently i bought quite a bit of biscuits n nougats from the food fair... n bao... so much food at home n she's simply against me coming up w more food! sobs. but suddenly i ve no interest in wateva i've bought. haven eaten a single nougat nor a single biscuit. tink my mom gonna kill me for filling up the house w so much food! oops.

anyway. had a driving revision lesson yest... oh dam it... i ve so much prob w parallel parking.... we went in and out, and in and out of the parking lot so many dam times, tat i got bloody sick of it. and then we realised wat the prob was. i ve been blindly following the wrong sighting pt for parking all along! sobs! but well.. now i've got it right! =)
but guess who i met at the driving centre??? it's cheryl again. how coincidental! and our vehicles are parked in front of each other once again. too much coincidence??? wahahahaaa. and know wat... my favorite instructor was coaching her yesterday!!! she's in my favorite car w my favorite instructor - mr nice guy! so sad! sobs... but i shall not take it to heart since it's her test today.. she needs a good instructor to coach her. haha.

anw.. some 'nice' ppl went to bake cookie, apple crumble, muffins, spaghetti... WITHOUT ME! HOW COULD U?! argh. sobs... a bloody 9 to 6 job is the reason why im missing out on all these. sobs!!! i want cookie! i want muffins! i want spaghetti! i want apple crumble! i want to eat! sobs! seriously.. i cant wait for june to end.. this will be the first time in my life i gonna hate june! so miserable... everyone is playing... even my bro n sis are having hols now... they sleep till god-knows wat time everyday... n they play like nobody's business.... wat abt ME?! sobs...

and btw.. agnes.. i wait dumpling! wahahahahaaa. let's make dumpling! whahahahaaaa. yummy!
tat reminded me of the funny dumpling i had at the food fair... haha.
and maggie.. don ever take bao for appetizer at a food fair...i don even ve space to stuff in more food! wahahahaa.

btw, food fair has ended. great sg sales has started. and auntie told me abt this mother's fair which is starting soon. haha. well.. tat doesnt involve me. only the great sg sales! well.. ppl... get urself free and SHOP with me! sobs. how sad when u're free on wkends yet a BIG group of ur frens are working on wkends. either tat or they are always stuck somewhere where i cant go in! sobs...

anw.. was reading this book.. and came across this phrase which is quite nice... to me at least.

'Silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together bacause only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox.'

great sg sales!

okay...

some weird things are happening. someone added me on msn a few days ago. n i accepted, tinkin tat he's my fren's fren. didnt chat until just now he msged... n im rather pissed tat msn is becoming like irc or icq. well. i freakingly do not know tat idiot n he insisted that i am his fren. gosh! for the first time on msn.. im gonna BLOCK this idiot!

noe sth... i went irc n icq when i was in sec3. was dam high on those 2. kept chatting n chatting. almost everyday after sch i'll sit in front of the com chatting w someone. it was like getting addicted. the only 'fren' i've made was perhaps this guy.... whom i supposed only 2 persons would noe. but i was so dam high on irc n icq then.. tat my results were like shit. and by the end of sec 3... i quitted irc n icq... since then i only ve emails n msn. and ive been doing well with only emails n msn. tat idiot reminded me of those days when i was high chatting online. but well... i've gotten rid of him! yeah!

okay. yesterday... friday. went to meet a fren. or rather to this place where now i usually visit on fridays. we used to go for dinner. but this funny dude decided to 'jian fei'. so no dinner. we chatted, grabbed some finger food along the way... n this funny fren of mine decided to bake cookies. n even proposed a plan for me to stay over for the nite n we'll bake cookies n some cake stuff. well... obviously tat was tempting. usually i would agree. n it was tempting since i enjoy baking n it has been quite a while since we played thru out the whole nite tgr. even when this funny fren suggested to send me home to change n come back.. or send me home at 4 am... i've finally learnt not to give in to temptations. haha. the main reason was actually im freaking tired. i cant imagine myself baking in the kitchen at 1 am. so sorry fren.. but seriously.. it was madness... everytime the same thing happens... forever a last min overnite stay... but i was really tired. but this fren of mine is simply wonderful. promised to cook me spaghetti one day... and made a box of cookies for me today. wow. haha. now u understand why im fat. cos ive frens who feed me this way. haha. n we had a little 'discussion / argument' on our way home last nite... well... it all boils down to me not taking the initiative to ask ppl out. n so they r using this to threaten me tat they'll never ask me out again. poor me... my frens are walkin out on me! and this is not the first one... many ve said that before... but.. but.. haiz.. well... im sorry. was busy. and i spent all or most of my free time catchin up w sleep. i didnt mean it ppl. sigh. i'll find time to play w u all soon. k? =)

well.. n so today, a saturday... a day to hibernate... but went to meet up w the funny fren to exercise. well.. finally after so long i get to use the gym again. wow.. sooooooo shiok! even until now i can still feel the stretch at the back of my leg. haha. good good. haven been gg to gym cos i was too lazy to drag myself outta bed... but w a fren.. it's different. so after tat... fren refused to eat... on diet... which made me feel so bad if i eat... so i settled w mango tango! wow wow. $3.50 a cup of mango tango! tat's enough. no money le. so tat's wat i had for lunch. would ve grab sth to bite if not for the GREAT sg sales. guess wat... i bought a pants. initially was 80 plus... drop to 70 plus.. now on 30% off. so i GRABBED! last piece somemore. wahahahahaaaa. lol. soooooooo happy! nice pants! come to tink of it now... it's a good thing to wake up early on satudays... especially today since it's the start of the sales... and all the good stuffs are still available! wow! haha. and i saw song yifei n wang jianfu... haha. actually i dunno who they r until someone told me. so no big deal. but tat song yifei was very chio. erm.. her make up very thick too. wahahahahaa.

so shopped arnd..wanted to join agnes n roro in their expedition.. but after i realised i actually ve so many bags to carry.. i decided against it. so walked around n eventually headed back home. home was good. everyone was out! n so i decided to ve some fun at home. i baked cookies! wahahahaaa. supposed to settle my own dinner... wanted to make lasagne... but after the cookies are done.. i couldnt take it anymore... bathe n rested my aching body.

now.. tmr's sunday. wat a good day. i always look forward to the wkend. but poor me... gonna wake up at 7 tmr! freak! im feeling sorry for myself. i just want a 12 hrs sleep oso cannot. dam. sad life. sobs sobs.

well... i better stop here. else i cant wake up tmr.
goodbye!

sobs..

okay..

talking abt being tired... getting urself tired is a good thing. well. when my dad came home last nite... he forgotten tat he had stuffed the letters inside a bag. so he passed me my letter just when i was abt to sleep. i opened the letter... and well... wat a good way to end my day. seriously.. im terribly depressed. was tinkin thru it when lying on my bed. all i knew was tat i'll ve a tough life ahead. sigh. somehow... it just wasn't fair. sucky. was tinkin so much until tears welled up in my eyes. but the lucky thing was tat i was dam tired last nite.. off to dreamland the very nxt moment.

was dam bored n tired at work today. so started smsing everyone. playing the banging game. it's quite fun to see how different ppl react differently. spent the entire mrn slacking. lunch. followed by an entire afternoon playing some game which uses the brain. ooo.. can feel the rust on my head man.. haha.

okay. wat i dread most is to be in debt. in debt. money matters. i hate it. and it seems like i cant avoid it. it's just a matter of time. sigh...

tired at work..

rite..

i was freak tired at work these few days. gosh. zzZ..
reane (the in charge) wasn't in on tues.. so managed to slack a little.
a little cos she's the source of 50% of my calls everyday!
was so tired tat i dozed off a couple of times in front of the comp. well.. nth new.
to keep myself awake, i did one sec 4 differentiation qn.
surprisingly, i could do it! wahahaha. so smart!
well.. tat sec 4 kid is one of my colleagues' tutee.
this sec 4 tutee of hers is worst than my pri 1 tutee..
he actually ran actually from class! wahahahaha.
had a great time laughing during lunch everyday over her experience teaching her tutee. haha

as for my tutee-s... well... i love the pri 2 kid! he's bright n cute! wahahaha
don say tat im biased.. the pri 1 kiddy is getting on my nerves.. SOOOOOO naughty! it's so annoying. seriously. i can't help it.. started to scold him le. well.. scolding is not my style... but he's too much la. sigh. these 2 tutee-s are gg on hols. so i'll be on hols too! i've have all my evenings free for at least 2 weeks! well... guess wat... great singapore sales!!! wahahahaha. thanks man! at least i'll have some time to meet my frens for dinner or movie now. wahahaha. come to tink of it... giving tuition is such a sacrifice. been rejecting all my frens... sigh... not tat i dun wan... but it's a commitment. and i must be responsible. working so hard... so tat i can spend a great hol in july... and ve an easier time in uni. well.. been tinking of stopping at 2 tutee-s.. but their moms are dam nice ppl... serious. they keep recommending me... tinking tat im a full time tutor. and if i were to say yes to all... i could start a tuition class myself le. wahahahaha. actually i could be earning more than wat i am earning now. but.... must think long term... i cant leave them once uni starts... i cant be so irresponsible. i planned to see them thru this yr at least. so i tink 2 is enough. enough to keep me busy at least. sometimes, i tink im really fortunate. the tutee-s' moms are so nice to me. we were talking abt hols... n they actually invited me to philippines! haha. really appreciated their offer. but due to financial constraints... i'll save my hols for my frens instead.

okay. today was not a very good day. cos there's not a very good news. was intending of informing reane abt my leave when june begins.. then realised tat those days ive planned to take leave clashes w my colleagues'! n so we had a discussion... but my colleague couldnt change her hols plan. so now... it's me! i got to change my driving revision lessons! how can they do tat to me??? sobs. n so i compromised n im supposed to check out n re-schedule my lessons. sigh. dam the rigidity of their rules! sigh. becos of tat.. i was kinda upset... it took so much time to plan so much... n now ve to change... haiz. to make things worst... i was very tired... so wasn't in the best of moods to tink positively. n i resorted to making myself a cup of coffee. haiz. i wanted to quit coffee long ago... but cant. cos it really works on me. was dam high for the nxt 2 hrs after tat dose of caffeine.. made so many calls! almost finishing my quota for the month! but by the time i reached tutee's hse... wah... felt as tho i haven slept in days. so super duper tired.

by the time i reached home... i don even feel hungry (normally i would)... wanted to zzzZzz.. den mom wanna go walk arnd at the pasar malam which hardly appears near my area n now it's there! so we went for a walk n brought back a bag of durians! watched the one n only show which i watch... n im still not asleep! lucky thing it's a short day for me tmr. short as in 9 to 6. haha. u must be tinkin tat my life kinda sux now. well... all i can say is... 'put in effort in ur work, and you'll find joy in it'.. it's not philosophical... it's true.

well.. the chalet is over... it's nice to see everyone. but sadly there's always something ugly behind whatever tat's so beautiful. can't believe some of the guys in our class are actually so ------... haiz... they actually tried to ran away w/o paying. n when i asked them... they bargained w me. come on la... sigh. wanted to give them a lecture... teach them how to be a gentlemen. sigh. hopeless ppl. sigh.

chalet..

okay..

im back. back from chalet. and that's the end of the big thing for may. tmr the routine will begins again.. how sickening.well.. abt the chalet.. kinda disappointed.. cos it's not very fun. played monopoly but didnt even get to touch my car. didnt even play a single round of mahjong which i initially thot would play thruout the nites. didnt even go to the beach as a grp. we merely walked there n headed back. basically we did nth other than eat n slp for 2 days.

but i managed to get myself tanned. a little. as least i tried to even the colors of my skin. im trapped in the office which i hardly get any sunlight. so tat day was a good morning since almost everyone else was gone, leaving 2 pigs sleeping in the den. so took a stroll to the beach.. feel the sea breeze... the morning sun... the sea water etc etc... finally sat down. rolled up my shirt n shorts... tan! i tell u... it's great! it's a sad thing how some piggies would rather hide in the airconditioned room n not come out for the sun. well.. it's great when u enjoy being alone. with so much things up in ur mind... it's surprising how the words of some ppl suddenly popped out at the back of ur mind... it's as if someone's there to talk to u... even if u cry out... n the sun would dry ur tears for u the nxt moment. let everything out... let the water wash everything away... n there u are.. a same old brand new u!

back there... wanted to buy milk.. n got myself soya bean milk n choco bread for breakfast. played one pool game. n realised tat i sux at it now. after all... the last time i touched it was when i was in sec 4. certainly skills do became rusty. n when back... bathe. cleaned. bbq-ed again. tat was crazy tho. and den it was eat n slp, eat n slp. but im glad tat i got sick of those food n didnt eat much, or rather.. as much as i thot i would eat.

n the day before the chalet, had kickboxing lesson. both me n agnes agreed tat the instructor was cool n chio. n tat she resembles each of our frens. n for my case.. i tink she resembles cheryl. but the instructor is more tanned... n fitter... haha. noe sth.. ive attended 2 classes.. of which i always felt hungry 2 hrs before the class. the first time i dun ve much of a choice cos i met a fren for dinner. the second time i thot of having some finger food only. but nearly got killed both times cos of stitch. damnit. but im always so happy after every lesson... the perspiration makes me feel soooooooooooooooo good. so shiok. and u'll noe wat follows the next few days... muscle aches. but still.. it feels good. im not sadist tho... those muscle aches simply make me feel less guilty abt eating.

haha.okay. i wanna be tan n fit before sch starts. 2 more months left. n i'll be spending one entire month at the bloody job. left w only one month to slack.

well. the next big thing in june would be..... guess wat...
my DRIVING test!wahahaha. so exciting.
but then again.. june sux. there's not a single public hols!
and there're 22 working days! how horrible.
and i knew this gonna be the worst month so far.
well.. bear w it carmen.

----
'Lonely im so lonely,
I have nobody,
To call my own
Im so lonely,
im mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
To call my own
Im so lonely...'

i want to sleep...

sigh...

sucky life. i'm tired. im really tired.
im so very tired that i don feel like waking up ever again.
but then again... it's hard getting to sleep these days. dunno why.
woke up in the middle of my sleep last nite...
rite... nitemare... dam..
im physically n mentally drained...
who the hell is cursing me???!!!

Tests..

Did a few tests. Results below...

Test 1
1. You are attracted to those who have split personality, like cold as ice on the outside, but hot as fire in the heart.2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you feel irresistable is creative, never let you feel bored.3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is loyal, faithful, never change.4. What you hate most in your partner is that the person is ruthless, cold-blooded, and/or ironic.5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner is one that you care not only about the present but also the future with your partner, a long-lasting relationship that you can grow with.6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything wrong after marriage.7. You are afraid of marriage, you think it would take away your freedom.8. At this moment, you don't have the thirst for love, you can't do anything for it, you won't fall for it easily.

Test 2
1. The road represents your attitude towards falling in love. You chose the long road--you take your time and do not fall in love easily.2. The number of red roses represents how much you give in a relationship, while the number of white represents what you expect in return. You give 90% and expect 10% in return.3. This question represents your attitude towards handling relationship problems. You like to get the person yourself--you are a more direct person and like to work out problems immediately.4. The placement of the roses determines how much you like to see your boy/girlfriend. You want to place the roses on the bed--you like to see him/her a lot.5. This represents your attitude towards his/her personality. You prefer the person to be asleep--you love the person as the way s/he is.6. The road to home tells how long you stay in love with someone. You chose the longer road--you will tend to stay in love for a long time.

Test 3
You cannot attract the opposite sex very well, but you still have something good which make them like to get along with you. You should be an honest person and have a unique view in seeing things. You are quite friendly in the eyes of your friends.

Test 4
Your priorities in life:Family
Money/Wealth
Friends
Job/Career
Sex

Test 5:
If orange is your favorite fruit; it speaks of a person who has enduring patience and willpower. You like to do things slowly; but very thoroughly and are completely undaunted by hard work. You tend to be shy; but are a reliable and trustworthy friend. You have an aesthetic bent of mind. You select your partner with care and you love with all your heart, and are not in for just a fling. You avoid conflict at all costs.

Test 6:
Introspective . . . Sensitive . . . ReflectiveYou come to grips more frequently and thoroughly with yourselfand your environment than do most people. You detest superficiality;you'd rather be alone than have to suffer through small talk. Butyour relationships with your friends are highly intensive, whichgives you the inner tranquillity and harmony that you need in orderto feel good. However it is no problem for you to be alone forextended periods of time, without becoming bored.

Well... Am i what they really have described? Haha.

argh..

carmen yo carmen yo...

am i sleeping or wat? sigh... i actually mount onto kerb a few times today! n im the instructor's first student to do all these kinda rubbish. sigh. but im not tat depressed after all... coz thru out all my lesson i hardly strike kerb... so wat's there to say abt mount kerb. i had a list of all my flaws... thanks to the kind instructor who had everything written down for me. so kind of him! im not sad becoz those are not my usual mistakes. tat means i've corrected my old mistakes n made new mistakes! haha. but no worries... i'll make sure i ve my skills perfected by the next lessons.

had a horrible n terrible time at the office today. so sickly i could hardly do my job properly. wanted to take an urgent half day off.. but just as i wanted to approach her... i saw the sky turned black. so... even if i had taken leave.. i'll still be stuck in tat building! so asked to go down to get some medicine instead... n for the rest of the day... i hardly did anything except staring hard at my monitor watching my kitty falling asleep.... made myself a cup of hot tea... went to the washroom umpteen times to keep myself warm. n once im back at my seat again.. i started sneezing n wheezing all over again... but once im back home... im ALRIGHT! haha. tat shows the power of mommy's dinner! a cure for everything. but still.. im losing my voice. tink reane gonna sack me one of these days since im losing my voice every month.

but im waiting... waiting.. waiting...

siCK...

sigh...

i just dunno why i got sick again.. been sneezing n wheezing... tho i always blame the office... it's not dusty or wateva tho... but i jus like to blame the office... but i noe the office isn't the reason why i got sick... maybe cos i walked in the rain for hrs the other day? darn... i cant do my survey now... lost my voice for the second time... tell me why am i so sickly... sigh...

anw. sent an email to moe the other day... n their reply reminds me of the days in cpf. standard reply. im tinking if they standardize the reply for all govt sectors. if tat's the case, i shouldnt ve sent tat email cos i will know wat my answer will be. cos tat used to be my job in the past. haha. the reply sounds almost as if im replying myself. but well... it's jus to reassure myself anw.

so, met agnes for lunch today. n we finally managed to try the famous yong tau foo there. wow. it was really nice. yummilicious. frankly speaking... i love times like these... tho i've got to rush down to meet her, it's really nice having a fren to chat w over lunch. n u'll be surprised how much we each ve got to share w each other in tat hour.

initially.. i dun wan to go ntu becos of someone. n i wanna go nus becos of many ppl. but.. no worries... im not tat dumb. frens will be the last thing on my mind in this issue. but really... nus is far too appealing.... i ve this feeling tat i'll be happy there. tho not really w the course im taking. so well... give me time to make a wise decision.

anw. so happy tat so many ppl arnd me suddenly ve the urge to take driving lessons. n i've planned for them a 'save-big-bucks' plan! so now so many ppl coming to me! haha. so i'll be receiving lotsa treats! wahahahaha.... fat yo! haha.

carmen, carmen... JIAN FEI! aiyo..

happy mommy's day!

grr..

there it goes... tink im fallin sick again.. n i dunno why is tat so.

so i ve baked a cake for mom n bought her a cook book! haha. lookin forward to delicious kuehs!

hmm. NTU or NUS? this qn keeps haunting me. okay. im only giving myself 2 more wks to decide. so bear w me for 2 more wks. gg for both tea parties this coming wk. so maybe i might be in a better position to decide for myself what i want by the end of the wk... or maybe not... sigh.

and so.. the chalet event is coming up very soon. tho excited... but it's oso kinda irritatin me at the same time. i cant prepare the food... cos it has to be halal. n now the big prob now is the food. who will be that free to help prepare the food? as much as i want to.. i cant. sigh.

well. last nite was strolling w qi jie. hmm. it's these kinda nite walks n a fren like her which makes me feel good staying at such a ulu place. our houses are close enough to ask each other down to stroll on lonely nites. haha. if im not so lazy... i'd ask her to be my jogging partner as well. but well, it's just kinda fated tat i can only run on treadmills. n i cant talk while running. n so i exercise alone. ive recently took up a new sport. i ve been challenging myself to climb 19 storeys in the shortest possible time. u know.. once u've tried climbing 45 storeys at one go... 19 is nth. no kick. but good exercise tho. reminds me of the time when i was at the national vertical marathon. exciting. but life w/o competition is so much better.

well. this coming wk gonna be busy. but busy is good.

today is mommy's day.
well.. ive so much to say to my mom.
but i just dunno how to put it into words.

i want to thank her...
thank her for preparing delicious breakfast for me every morning.
thank her for preparing dinner too.
it's her dinner tat's why i always looks forward to gg home everyday..
cos im sick of outside food.
thank her for keepin my room always tidy.
thank her for teaching me how to cook.
thank her for helping me in my make-up for both grad nites.
thank her for treating me like a young adult; giving me so much space to learn to be independent.
thank her for searching for my lost items at home.
thank her for putting up with me n my siblings' attitudes n nonsense.
thank her for waking up in the middle of the nite n kept me company while i was mugging.
thank her for the coffee she brewed for me while im burnin mid-nite oil.
thank her for her concern over my studies.
thank her for not having very high expectations from me so as not to stress me.
thank her for being such a good role model whom i can learn from.
she's a very filial daughter to her parents n her in-laws. and a very loving sister to her siblings as well. all my cousins loved her.
thank her for her sacrifices.
thank her for being so strong to keep the family going.
thank her for never giving up.
thank her for her love.
thank her for everything.

i love u, mom.

i miss u..

it hurts to realise tat some things ve changed.

some ppl..

we'll never chat in the same casual way we used to.

i'll be contented jus to know u're doing fine.

but somehow,

i jus feel tat u aren't..

n once again,

im feeling like i wasnt there for someone when im needed.

tell me...

teach me how i could be there for them..

for everyone of them...

tell me how could i not feel sad when 2 persons come tgr n speak not a word.

i fear n i hate this kind of awkward situation.

and i realised it only happens to the closest ppl arnd me.

so close... so close to ur heart...

tat's why it hurts u the most too.

wanna care for them..

but i dunno how.

wanna say 'i miss u, my fren'

but i jus couldnt say out those words.

...

..

strangely.. everytime i walk past tat stretch of road.. i'll ve much recollections. many things tat i dun rmb putting down on blogs... cos those are the things tat are always on my mind. one side of me is clinging onto the past. the other side of me is asking myself to think maturely n to move on sensibly.

watched a show earlier on. n cried.
i learnt that me myself is of no importance. wat's important are the ppl arnd me. they're happy. tat's why im happy. they're sad. tat's why im sad.

lotsa sacrifices to make just to see the smiles on those arnd me.

im not as much of a saint as the lead character.
but i'd try... tho knowing very well tat i can't please everyone.
i'd try.

---

a customer today threatened to make a complain n even release it to the press. felt guilty cos im after all an inexperienced temp staff. was feeling very bad cos i've caused trouble for the in charge despite her skipping lunch, busy trying to complete her report. when i finally asked her if everything was alright.. she merely said that weirdo out there has nth better to do, trying to find faults in everyone... n she said let him complain all he wants since he dunno her n she dunno him. tink in the end she submitted our names to the boss as a complaint case. well, tat reminded me of an incident at cpf, where yuanting was accused by a member of the public. haha. wat i rmb most clearly was her saying '...what makes u tink tat the press could publish wateva u said given the nation's strict censorship?..' haha. well... all these reminds me of those days i had at cpf.

dogs?

heaven'O..

haiz. it's really tiring. earning money is not easy. well. kiddy's aunt called me up yest n requested tat i teach kiddy's cousin as well. so we spent quite some time discussing the fees n eventually settled for the same fees as kiddy's. so now ive 2 tuition kids. 2 boys. n they r cousins. had both of them in my class today. special occasion i guess. but it turned out more fun than having just one in class. haha. so with these 2 kids... ALL my evenings are gone. gone. gone. i'll just be stuck in payalebar in mrn n aftnoon, followed by someplace in hougang in the evenings, n eventually home. gosh. am i working too hard?

well.. 2 wks ago i've decided to save up n brought sandwiches to office for lunch. survived for 2 wks w sandwiches... now i doubt i can do so. lunch at 12. dinner at 10. i feel like tat dino in neopet which never fails to say 'im starving'... den later it'll say 'im dying'... hahaha... for me... after 'im starving' will be 'im sleepy'. haha.

so a new month has started. a step closer to uni life. feel like im slogging like crazy. no time for frens le. didnt really realised tat until someone complained this aftnoon. so u see... my time in office is to handle such complain cases. hahaha. but it's fun. haven been seeing some ppl... kinda miss them. but not missing them much... cos i dun ve the time to do so. wahahaha. im making use of my free time to sleep. so to all my frens out there.. kindly understand my plight.

well. met ms agnes for lunch today. been planning the whole day n nite of eating tat yong tau foo... but it's closed! so we had something else which is very yummilicious as well... but damn fattening! i seriously suspect tat their oil is free man. or did they mistook oil for water or the stock or sth... eew... so we went on a high speed shopping immediately after lunch. hunt for bai mian for her colleague, and curry puffs for mine. on my way i managed to grab a packet of biscuit. agnes wanted to buy bread for tat stray doggie.. but .. haha.. didnt buy in the end... how can a dog be more fortunate than me right? no one even buy drinks for me.. sobs.. i tink doggies are so fortunate... but as we were mentioning abt hot dogs... this freaky stray dog appeared out of nowhere n scared the hell out of me. gosh.

okay okay... this teacher here has been accused of giving too much hw. but still, student wants to continue my lessons cos im NICE! hahaha. but... wat's worrying me is chinese. i was told to focus more on chinese. well. tat's it. no shou ce. in pri one... there's only hanyu pin yin n bi hua. n hanyu pinyin is giving me probs! help!

sigh.

lala...

okay.

there goes the hols! tat's pretty fast, isn't it? haha. did nth much except stoning n eating n sleeping n breathing n blasting songs into my ears... now i tink im getting quite deaf.

woke up rather early for tuition for the little kiddy today. as usual he didnt do his work. but im very happy now tat he could do number bonds! at least he remembered those things tat i taught. wow. haha. tat's a great sense of satisfaction. woohoo! wanted to hit the gym after class, but well, it's too crowded. i'd end up spending half the time waiting for my turn on the treadmill. so i went home instead. wanted to color my hair today. but tink im rather broke now cos i've been spending a little too much, furthermore, my pay was delayed! so i see my bank account drying up like water in the well. sigh.

so i spent the whole afternoon tinking abt NUS or NTU. and my grandparents were at home. so they put me in a very paiseh state by pushing a sum of money into my pocket to ease the financial stress i might have while in uni. well, im thankful for tat. just tat i dun see the need now. i was so speechless when grandma stuffed the money into my hands. tho she mentioned tat she gave 2 other cousins money too for uni, but... the reason tat i could come up with to refuse the money is just a 'but..'. i dunno wat else to say. tho i told her im still waiting for those scholarships thingy, she insisted tat i could always keep those money n earn interest even if im not gonna use it. so.. im left w nth to say. passed the money to my mum. so now it's up to her to settle the money. as for my uni tuition fees n expenses, im still waiting... waiting for the teaching award thingy to call me. out of desperation, i've sent an email to them just this afternoon. i'll feel so much more independent if only the govt could grant me the teaching award. at least i know w the teaching award, my tuition fees are settled, and i need not ask for money from my parents for the personal laptop n the hostel fees n transport etc etc... sigh. life on earth revolves around money. sigh.

chatted w a few ppl online yest. n one of them was joanne. so heard from her that cpf have sacked them cos they've 'overbudget-ed' on temp staffs. so now only left steph n adrian there. i tink soon, adrian will become a perm staff. so now there are a few new unemployed ppl. unemployment rates went up again. haha. come to tink of it, it's a good thing tat i didn't go back to cpf, cos i'll be stressed over looking for jobs again. job search during december was a horrid man. can't believe tat i actually searched for a job for over a month n in the end took up a job which worth $5.50 an hr. once when i spoke to mr ong abt it, he said tat my monthly pay was his daily pay. well. darn. for once i wish i'm rich.

finally it's may! 2 more months! 2 more months to freedom. from 16 wks, now im left w 9 more wks to go in S i n g t e l. may gonna pass rather fast i supposed, cos of the hols n the chalet! but i dun tink i'd say the same for june. but well, let's not tink so far. haha.

okay. i shall pray hard for MOE to recognise my hard work so as to grant me the teaching award. i shall go down for a jog now. need to burn the adipose tissues tat are accumulating fast. eew. bye!

labor day..

okay..

hello there! i've specially created this blog cos of my dear fren who never fails to nag me day in day out abt it. and so.. here it is..

KDNEYS!

haha. sounds cool actually. just like LVER! hahahaha.
well, today's LABOR day! and there's no work tmr!
im so happy, im so glad tat i've got u.
i'd like to thank you, and thank you means MERCY.
mercy, for the holiday i ve tmr, mercy for the holiday! yo! hahahaha

so. nth much to talk abt for my first post. just tat im pretty troubled over the uni thingy. sigh. i have no idea wat i want. and im rather depressed cos i didnt receive any notice from the teaching award thingy. i really want to have tat award noe. sigh. im waiting. waiting for just a call or a letter from u. call me! sigh.