the going gets tough..

hmm...

had a dream just now. it's not abt anyone arnd me tho. but jus thought it was kinda interesting so i woke up immediately n came online thinking tat i might be able to search for sth.

anw.. yesterday was a bad day. real bad. i wouldnt want to think abt it anymore. i had the worst exam ever. my mind blanked out n i felt extremely terrible during the 2.5 hrs. exams had never been like this for me. i know i was too tired. i know i didnt had enough rest. n my mind happily blank out when i thot maybe i could still perservere on for another 3 hrs. but no.. i forgot every single formula. 80% of the paper on calculations.. i cant do a single shit. stress level shot up to it's highest. almost break down. wanted so much to cry but no tears could flow. ive never never felt this way for exam. im certain ive to retake this paper. this is not a test or a CA. it's an exam! why? im freaking disappointed w myself. went back hall immediately... slept.. for 4 hrs.. but went i woke up im still traumatized by what had happened earlier. it's an exam. it's an exam. it's an exam. stress level still going high. head still feeling heavy n saturated. i tried studying.. but no... nothing can enter my brain.

ive done something ive never done before. ive flunk an exam which i never did in my whole life. i have to retake a paper which i never did all my life. and the first person i thought of immediately was my grandpa. i failed him. his last words to me was to study hard... i failed him. ive disappoint him.

im feeling kinda weak to continue the exam anymore. im scared. im stressed. i thought maybe i jus needed rest. but now it seems like it's more than jus that. im really scared.

i pray.. i really wanna pray.. tell me what to do lord.. im feeling so lost.. so helpless...

scared.. i really am..

im so sorry grandpa..