fearful..

hmm..

feeling kinda uneasy. it was just an email which turned my day so bad. it's hols today n uncle took me out cycling and showed me around. yet, all that's on my mind was the kinda response i received from a friend. somehow it made me fear going back to sg. i fear those kinda feeling that i had to endure when things between me and my friends turned sour. i fear giving my friends excuses when they respond in an awful way towards me. there's a lot i fear about my friends... is it a good thing that im in canada now? i don't know.

uncle talked to me earlier on about me migrating to canada. the first thing that came to my mind was my friends. the thing i can't bear to leave behind are my friends. be it friendships that are only couple of months old or years or even a decade old.. it's all about my friends that i can't let go. things changed. just take a look at my uncle. it has been 24 years since he left sg.. and he lost contact with all his friends. i really cant imagine that happening to me. friends are one large part of my life. losing them is tantamount to losing a large part of my life. i doubt i'll ever allow that.

missing u..

hmm...

if im blogging.. that's becoz im bored. n when im bored.. i think of my friends, my family, and everything else that im missing right now. that's why i dun like to be bored.. especially now.. it makes me feel lonely. knocked off from work at 5.. came back home.. bathe.. did laundry.. now ive nothing to do. even with my hp with me.. there's no reception n all i could do is to read thru the last few msges over and over again till the batt goes flat.

really miss my friends i guess. really, really miss u guys.. so much...

the day draws near..

well...

come to think of it.. some things have really changed over the years.. i noticed the changes.. tho not everyone noticed it. i thot it might have been a positive change. n so each time i kept quiet... hoping tat u'll see the disappointment in me.. hoping that you'll change. n yes.. i noticed some changes. i jus hope that one day i'll see the same old brand new you again.

hmm. went to see doggy jus now. or rather the little puppy - dave. it's jus 1.9kg. so small so adorable. n im obsessed with the puppy's feet. thinking tat it's so nice to touch. it's jus like a little baby.. whining.. crying.. licking.. wagging it's little tail.. hahaha.. but still.. even tho i enjoyed it's company.. i still wont adopt one as a pet. responsibilities i guess. cant imagine having myself cooped up at home watching the little puppy. but i love little dave! =)

alright.. so was having dinner earlier on.. n my aunt was arnd.. chatted w her n we both got so damn excited abt going overseas. she's been to like all over the world man. impressed! telling me abt the experience etc etc. guess it's my first time having such conversation w my aunt. haha. n couple of days back w my uncle too. we were discussing abt bring some of my grandpa's ashes to can.. but worrying tat i might get into trouble at those customs so eventually we all decided against it. then my uncle talked to me abt my cousin.. abt the recent rallies.. the elections so on.. never had such comfortable chats w my relative for a long time. hahah. n this mrn chatted w my grandma on the phone.. telling me to take care of myself etc when im awhile.. woo..

anyway.. sent a thank you email to my profs earlier on... n im so damn touched by the reply. goodness. i wanna cry already la. for you sirs... i promise im gonna work damn hard next sem onwards. eh.. for my grandpa too! im gonna be a NERD when i return. all study no play! *jus joking*hmm.. one more day.. jus one more day...